Guest Column | October 1, 2024

2 CRPs Offer Tips For Knocking Out Imposter Syndrome

By John R. Nocero, Ph.D., and Nicole M. Palmer, MS

“Nothing is real if you don’t believe in who you are. When a fighter doesn’t believe, that’s it, it’s over, that’s it. He’s finished. It’s over. That’s it.” And with that, former World Heavyweight Champion Rocky Balboa admits to his wife Adrian on the beach during Rocky III his fears that ate him up inside after losing his crown to a younger, hungrier fighter. He thought he was a champion, but his loss forced him to question if he would be anything more than just another bum from the neighborhood.

Although they don’t wear a title belt, it is easy to understand how a research administrator identifies with a championship pedigree. Their responsibilities are plentiful — staffing, purchasing, payroll, effort reporting, regulatory compliance, and supporting a compliant sponsored research program. If you ask one how they feel at the end of every day, they will likely say they just went 12 rounds with the world’s number one challenger. Working under constant pressure can leave them teetering on the brink of perceived disaster, especially when narrow misses feel like losses. Over time, like Rocky, administrators can wonder if they are qualified to serve in this capacity or how they even got here in the first place.

Duszynski-Goodman (2023) says that occasional grappling with feelings of self-doubt or questioning if past achievements are a result of sheer luck is normal. But when those feelings become pervasive, imposter syndrome is at play. Despite clear external evidence to the contrary, those experiencing imposter syndrome don’t believe they deserve their success. Rather, they feel like they are deceiving others because they don’t feel as intelligent or capable as they outwardly portray themselves to be. The key word is “feel.”

An estimated 70 percent of personnel experience these impostor feelings at some point in their lives, according to a review article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science. Impostor syndrome affects everyone: women, men, students, seasoned professionals, and even executives. Research suggests it may even impede professional success.

What Is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome, also known as impostorism, is a psychological experience of intellectual and professional fraudulence. Wikipedia defines it as "the subjective experience of perceived self-doubt in one's abilities and accomplishments compared with others, despite evidence to suggest the contrary and those who have it may doubt their skills, talents, accomplishments.”

While there are no standard criteria for imposter syndrome, the following characteristics are typical according to research conducted by Clance and Imes:

An assignment or task launches someone into feelings of self-doubt. To compensate, individuals will either overprepare or procrastinate and when the task is done, the individual does not feel accomplished but rather feels relieved.
These individuals often experience perfectionism, holding themselves to unattainable standards, which often kickstarts a cycle of self-criticism and self-blame.
Because of this, individuals begin to overprepare to demonstrate competence. This often leads to taking on more tasks to appear fully competent.
When something goes wrong, and it can, because individuals are doing so many things, this can leave them more vulnerable to feelings of fear and anxiety over failing at a particular task. This causes individuals to deny their achievements and abilities and instead chalk up past successes to chance.
For individuals experiencing this, fear of success may manifest as taking responsibility for all of their failures and denying all of the success they have accomplished in the past, as they may equate success with higher expectations.

It’s ironic — people with imposter syndrome in clinical research are often highly accomplished and very impressive. On the outside, there would be no reason to feel like an imposter, but they do. This is why you need to identify it and develop a strategy to beat it.

John’s Jump From CRC To QA Manager

In 2009, I was working as a clinical research coordinator (CRC) at the Cleveland Clinic and had a long-term goal of moving into research administration. An opportunity opened up as the research regulatory and quality assurance manager at a competing institute. I remember sitting in the conference room after the interview and hearing them say, “We want you. We want you to work with us.”

I was so proud. But I also was naïve and woefully underprepared. I thought that connections and getting along with everyone were the keys to success. Well, they’re part of it, but not everything.

What I did not know was that this institute had been through three previous managers within the last two months, including one who was only in the role for 10 days before me. The institute was run by a demanding taskmaster, who was kind but had high expectations. Back then, onboarding and training programs were not commonplace. Busy administrators didn’t have time to train new personnel. The expectation was they would just come in and hit the ground running. And that is what she expected.

I had never written an SOP before; my primary specialty was research conduct and not research administration. During my first week there, I said to myself, “I am not going to last. Not in the slightest.”

The institute needed to complete its quarterly compliance report, and I had never written a report like it before. I assumed someone would provide instruction but soon learned I had to figure it out on my own. My initial draft came back like a bloody chicken, there were so many tracked changes. I reworked the whole thing, thinking that my boss would applaud my effort. It actually made things worse.

She berated me, telling me I didn’t know how to follow instructions and that I needed to go back to coordinating studies and not managing them. I was so defeated. We ended up presenting the report later that month to the compliance committee, and my boss was so embarrassed by my final work that she took the report back from everyone and did not let it get filed into the final institute report.

I later reached my breaking point over the creation of another SOP. I don’t remember which one, but I do remember that my administrator basically kicked out the entire team so she could write the SOP herself. I sat next to her, petrified. As she started writing, she said, “John, didn’t you hear me? I said get out.” I didn’t respond. I felt so humiliated. I sat there for what seemed like forever. When she finished, she said to me, “I’m done.” I replied, “So am I.” I went into my office, shut the door, put my head down on the desk, and cried.

About 10 minutes later, my boss came in. With a tear streaming down my face, I said to her, “I am not the weak sister on your team.” I don’t know what prompted me to say it. She looked down at me and said, “John, John, John — stop. You are running on autopilot and can do most of this in your sleep. You just need a healthy dose of self-belief and an understanding of how the operation is supposed to work. Let me help you.” That conversation changed my career trajectory.

I learned to be humble but confident, to become results-driven and to add value. I learned not to believe in my superficial (and negative) perceptions of myself but, rather, in what I actually could do. When I left that role, my boss gave me the best career advice that I have ever heard. She said, “John, just remember: don’t show me the labor pains, show me the baby.”

Nicole’s Recurring Tales Of Self-Doubt

I often hear this recurring story from my network on LinkedIn. It goes something like this:

I received a job offer from a CRO when I was just six months into my role as a research administrator at a small clinical research site. My job was 100% on-site, I had a modest salary with minimal bonuses, and I was run by constant micromanagement.

Then I got approached by a larger company in clinical research for a fully remote position, offering almost double my salary. But guess what held me back? Imposter syndrome and my team. When word got out, my colleagues labeled me as weak for thinking about leaving. They said I just didn’t want to work hard.

So, I stayed for six more months, despite how much it drained my energy and passion. When my mental health hit rock bottom, I finally resigned. Their response? They pushed me out the door that same day and labeled me as “disloyal.” And within a week, someone else was in my seat. That’s how quickly they moved on, and how little my hard work actually meant.

Lesson learned: Companies replace you in a heartbeat but expect 100% loyalty in return. Always choose what’s best for you. Be confident in yourself and trust your capabilities – not what others think.

Fighting Imposter Syndrome

So, what’s a phony-feeling high achiever to do? Hendriksen (2017) shares three key points in her article, “Nine Ways to Fight Imposter Syndrome” that resonate with us.

It’s normal: Surprisingly, this feeling is more common than we thought, infecting everyone from grade-school teachers to Nobel Prize winners. Like infidelity, people don’t want to talk about it because they are keeping a secret, but when someone speaks up and says, “You know, I’m not feeling that strong,” people feel relieved and say, “Wow, it’s not just me.”
You’re accomplished: When you are feeling down, look at your life’s work. When I am struggling, I look back at my dissertation or I read my magnum opus research paper for inspiration or I stand up and flex in the mirror. These don’t just look good on paper. I’ve earned these.
It’s okay not to know: After a huge life event, like losing a job, there is a steep learning curve. Rather than hiding, get out there and learn from the loss, because most of the time, no one has it all figured out. Many times, people will not only cut you slack, but they will help you as long as you are honest.

Giving Imposter Syndrome The Old One-Two

In clinical research, our industry values glorified concrete achievements, titles, money, and competition. Let’s not discount the incredible amount of effort it takes to nurture relationships, maintain physical health, and cultivate a fulfilling lifestyle. These individualized efforts are so impressive because they require a steady dose of internal validation and consistency. Motivation is fueled internally and by the desire to positively impact the lives of those you are most connected to. As Adrian tells Rocky:

“But you, you’ve got to want to do it for the right reasons, not for the guilt over Mickey, not for the people, not for the title, not for money or me, but for you. Just you… just you alone… and if you lose, then you lose, but at least you lose with no excuses, no fear, and I know you can live with that.”

We can, too.

References:

About The Authors:

John R. Nocero, Ph.D., builds and fixes quality departments, with a track record including Cleveland Clinic, Matrix Clinical Trials, ProQuest, Flagship Biosciences, and Segal Trials. He has worked in clinical research since 2003 and is inspired by Becky Lynch, the GOAT of professional wrestling, and Roman Reigns, the OTC. He lives in Columbus, Ohio.

Nicole M. Palmer is the CEO of Granular Level, which thrives on helping others meet their Trial Master File (TMF) goals and successfully navigate career transitions and the job search process. She lives in Fort Myers, Florida.

John and Nicole have been writing together for the last seven years.

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